The sun begins to set outside the window, Throwing splashes of colors into the sky as a last farewell, Before it slides downwards, Leaving only darkness in its place. The end of another day brings the beginning of another night. The blackening blue sky is illuminated by glittering stars And a full moon that looks so close, I could almost reach out and touch it.
I’d give anything to be out there. Instead I am stuck in this house, Where the air is thick and heavy with the usual brewing tension. An argument is building. I can hear the rumbling anticipation, Beginning with her complaints Quickly followed by his accusations, And soon becoming a loud vicious roar. Could this be the night he raises his hand to strike her? Or has she finally decided to leave, Abandoning her family for another man?
There is no telling how tonight will end. But I am safe here in this room. Not because of these four pale lifeless walls. Not because of the wooden door locked tight. No, there is only one thing that can save me, One thing that can bring me light in a world of darkness. One thing that I can drown myself in and not gasp for breath.
I slide the old ragged headphones securely over my ears, Plug into the dented and scraped CD player, And push play. The music blares and I am home. The vocalist screams the lyrics of my life As the rhythm beats away the pain, And pumps the life back into my drained body. The walls around me fade away along with the ceiling and floor. The meaningless objects that clutter the room, The insults being thrown around downstairs, All gone. All that’s left is me and my lullaby. I close my eyes and I escape.
The music blares. The bass pumping so violently in your ribcage, That it could be mistaken for your own heartbeat. One too many drinks has the whole room swimming. I am engulfed in a sea of wet sticky bodies. Bodies that twist, turn, wind, and grind All clustered together in a frenzied fashion Like salmon during spawning season.
I cannot tell if I am even dancing anymore. My body ceases to be my own, A prisoner of the booze I willingly consumed. I pull free of the hands that hold me, Only to be grabbed by another pair, Of rough wandering hands That feel my drunken state gives them the ok, And possibly even the right to violate me.
But I don’t care. All that matters is that I need this, Need the feel of another body touching my own. Need this drink that is now spilling from my hand, The darkness and the pounding music, I need it all to feel human. To feel alive inside. So go ahead hands, Do your worst. Make me whole again, Even if only for one night.
Samantha Tulloch is a senior at Towson University. She is majoring in Psychology and English Literature. She hopes to one day have some novels published and will likely wind up working in the education system.