The Carousel Ride
Alarm goes off, the sound pierces my ears; wake up.
Press Snooze, just 10 more minutes; back to sleep. Alarm goes off, piercing my ears a second time; wake up.
Get up. Get out of
Find the motivation. Get up.
Where is it? You have to find it.
Brush my teeth, dentist says two minutes.
Brush my hair, hairdressers orders. Put on
makeup, society says so. Everyone else
does it-so should I. Do they feel this way?
dresses and skirts-she looks nice. sweatpants
and sweatshirts-she must be sick. jeans and t
shirts-I won’t stand out.
Lock the doors. House is
Get in the car. Don’t speed.
Here we go again. Inhale. Walk through the halls,
keep your head down; sit in class. So many faces; everyone
looks so comfortable with themselves. Why don’t I? Stop.
They’ll notice you’re weak. Act confident.
answer questions-everyone stares.
stay quiet-participation drops.
answer a question-I won’t stand out.
Done for today. Exhale.
Time to go home. Made it.
It’ll get better. Another day. Lights off,
the darkness surrounds you; get in bed. Lights on,
you forgot again; it shouldn’t be this hard. Lights off,
today is finally done; get in bed.
Alarm goes off… Press Snooze… Alarm goes
What’s the first thing that comes to
-When you’re asked where you want to be?
is it a
or… is it a person? Is it by the ocean, warm weather, the sound
of waves roaring in the background, the cool breeze on on your
skin while the sun is beating down?
or… Is it the warm embrace of someone you love, someone
you miss, the person you want to be with at the end of a bad day?
-When you’re asked where you see yourself in fifteen years?
can you see
or… do you see nothing at all? Is it a stable job, a loving husband,
kids sitting around the table waiting to eat the meal you have just
prepared, living in a two story house with a fireplace?
or… Is it nothingness, the only answer you can come up with is
“I don’t know…” and you truly mean it?
-When you’re asked who you
is it your friends, family, significant other?
or… is it yourself? Is it those you surround yourself with, the
ones who support you and push you to be your best, the ones
who supposedly know you the best?
or… Is it you, the person your stuck with forever, the
person who does everything with you, the person
who changes with you because they are you?
It’s not love.
She begged no, but he
only heard “yes.”
She screamed stop, but he
thought it was a “game.”
She was suffocated by her
tears, but he “didn’t see that.”
She was left speechless; unable to move, but he assumed she was
She began isolating
no one asked why, but eventually she was
alone. left with nothing but pain he caused.
While he would brag to his friends.
She believes what you said about her,
the words burned into her mind as painful as the force he
used that night leaving bruises on her mind like he did on
her body. While he doesn’t think twice about her.
She’ll never forget that night,
and the memories attack her each one as vivid
as the next, the sights, smells, sounds. While
he hasn’t thought about it since.
She hid it from everyone for five years,
five years that ate away at her, her personality,
her vision of self worth; it still eats away at her
everyday. While he will never admit it.
because he moved on with his life,
but I never will.
Leaha M. Eidman is a student at St. John Fisher College in Rochester, NY. She is pursuing a degree in Psychology with minors in English and Interdisciplinary Studies. These are her first published works.