2020 Elegy: An Ode to Overthinking
Simple sentimental notions in safe shallows give way to deeper waters Too gradual to realize the fear
tugging at my heart
Begging me to reconsider, to escape while I can
As cold hands beckon me deeper still
Too alone with my thoughts, too far from the shore to be saved.
Slowly, then all at once
The current drags me under.
The sea envelops me, consumes me
As tremors overtake my freezing limbs;
Such painful water.
The riptide pulls me in with brackish turmoil.
Waves crash over my head, burning my lungs
As chaotic convulsions plunge me deeper
Until only aching remorse remains
I will not see the shore again.
Phantom faces return to me in this abyss,
A tragedy of drowned remembrance.
Watery shadows, painful memories,
It all comes back in currents;
They haunt me in the deep.
You’ll never get to tell them,
You won’t have the chance.
Thoughts grow too menacing for denial.
You feel strange, are you dying?
You don’t have much time left.
Things I wanted to say but never did,
Declarations of love that never came
Anxious thoughts left voiceless and unanswered.
The icy depths chill my heart
Too much, too much.
Ghostly images from a treacherous mind betray me As the brine accepts my tears,
Each a new disheartened drop in the ocean.
No stars can save me now, no light can reach these depths It is too late for me.
Months pass this way, even years
Of agony within these dark depths.
Fearful perceptions appear to me here
As desperation turns to anguish;
I am not to reach the surface.
My body grows tired and weak
I can’t fight much longer
The powerful visions pain me
As I succumb to the waves of emotion;
I am not to return.
Too alone with my thoughts, too far from the shore to be saved Such painful water.
I will not see the shore again;
They haunt me in the deep.
You don’t have much time left.
Too much, too much
It is too late for me.
I am not to reach the surface.
I am not to return.
Biographical Note: Samantha Smallwood is a first-year English major. As she creates literature and visual art, she finds inspiration in James Joyce’s writings, Sufjan Stevens’ music, and aspects of psychology. After finishing her university education in England and Ireland, she wants to professionally write and instruct in the subject she loves most.