Growing Pains
Growing pains used to keep me up at night. A deep, throbbing ache radiated from my shins and knees. No matter what position I tried to sleep in, the pain would not go away. I felt like my muscles and bones were slowly and progressively stretching, like I was strapped down to one of those medieval torture rack things.
Imagine my surprise when I found out as a young adult that these pains are not due to growth at all. Even during growth spurts – like when I was 13 and grew three inches in one year – bone growth happens very slowly and should not cause pain. However, “growing pains” are a very common complaint among young children, so what is causing this pain? Doctors think it is caused by overexercise or injury during the day, but I’m calling BS. I’m 21 years old, a senior in college, and I can confirm that growing pains still keep me up at night. They are just a different kind.
***
The vast majority of our cells’ lives are spent in a stage called interphase. This stage is further divided into three steps, G1, S, and G2. During these phases, the cells are preparing to grow and divide into daughter cells. This process of division is called mitosis. Out of the approximately 24 hours of a human body cell’s life, only about 1 hour is dedicated to mitosis.
***
The thought of graduation looms over me constantly. Where am I going to apply to grad school? What degree should I pursue? When was that deadline again? I emailed my boss and two of the advisors I work with about writing a letter of recommendation for me, and I haven’t heard back from any of them – do they secretly hate me? What am I going to do if I don’t get into any of the schools I apply to? What am I going to do with my life?
There are so many paths I could take to have a happy and successful life, and while that may be comforting to some people, it’s certainly not for me. I’ve been Googling “what can you do with a biology degree” while I’m sitting in some of my upper level bio classes, if that tells you anything.
***
In order to pass through the 3 subphases of interphase and enter mitosis, cells need to pass through different cell cycle checkpoints to ensure that everything inside the cell is OK and ready to divide. The first of these is the G1 checkpoint. At this point, the cell makes sure that it is large enough to divide, has enough nutrients, and that the DNA is undamaged. If the cell does not meet these requirements, it enters a state called G0, which is an inactive, resting state. A cell could stay there forever if the conditions remain unfavorable. Is it weird to wish you could just exist in G0 and forget you have any obligations? Just asking for a friend.
Once the cell passes through this checkpoint and enters the next phase, S phase, it is irreversibly committed to enter mitosis and divide. To me, college feels like the S phase – once you’re in, that’s it, you’re committed to graduate. After S phase, the cell enters G2, where it grows, synthesizes proteins and organelles, and reorganizes its contents in preparation to divide. Then the cell is met with the G2 checkpoint, where it makes sure that the DNA is still undamaged and that all chromosomes were correctly copied during S phase. I think I’m nearing that checkpoint in my life. I’m taking classes, I’m getting experience, I’m learning, I’m growing… and now it’s time for mitosis.
***
I once read this article called “The Tyranny of Choice”. It talks about the idea that we think that having more options will help us choose exactly the right one that will make us the happiest. However, having too many choices can lead to other problems, like feeling frozen, unable to actually make a choice without thinking about the pros and cons of each. Even if we do settle on a choice, we may feel regret if this choice does not live up to our expectations.
My Google search has confirmed that there are a lot of career options for biology majors, but almost all of them require some form of graduate school or training. This is where I feel stuck at a crossroads. I’m afraid to go to grad school and not end up liking it and then feel as if I “wasted” a few years of my life. I’m also afraid to just go straight into the workforce because I do not feel adult enough for that. Several adults (the real kind, not like me) have told me that everyone has their own timeline, it’s never too late to change career paths, blah blah blah… but I’m still skeptical. What if there truly is one path for me that is the cheapest, most efficient path to Happiness™ and Success™, and I just need to agonize over every single possibility before I get there?
***
Once the cell enters mitosis, the duplicated chromosomes condense, line up in the middle of the cell, and are attached to fibers known as the mitotic spindle. Think of the mitotic spindle like the “puppet strings” of the cell. These fibers will then pull the duplicated chromosomes, called sister chromatids, apart from each other to opposite sides of the cell to prepare to be split into two. The spindle checkpoint is a checkpoint that ensures that the spindle fibers are correctly attached to the chromosomes before the sister chromatids are pulled apart. Isn’t that poetic, you have to be correctly attached before you can be pulled apart?
***
Throughout my life, I have experienced many people come and go. I will say I agree with the Real Adults on this one, it does get easier with time, though not by much. I value my friendships very deeply, and whether it be a dramatic friend breakup or a simple drifting away, it always hurts. I don’t like change, if you couldn’t tell. I’m also afraid of what’s going to happen to the friendships I’ve made in college, and how I’m going to make new friends post-grad. At school, you can just talk to whoever you’re sitting next to in class to make friends. As an adult, I feel like it’s not that easy.
Also, I never thought I would say it, but I am factoring a man into my future life plans. I know, I know, that’s not very Girl Boss, Feminist, Woman in STEM of me. But I met someone. Someone I love spending time with, someone who I can lean on, someone who is now such an important part of my life and my daily routine. Breaking up definitely isn’t on the table for either of us, but it’s a very real possibility that we may have to do long distance for a few years after I graduate. The thought of that brings me to tears almost daily. It feels like just yesterday that we were brought together, and now the mitotic spindle is preparing to yank us apart.
***
A human body cell can go through mitosis on average 40-60 times in its life before it cannot divide anymore. This is also known as the Hayflick Limit, after the scientist Leonard Hayflick, who refuted the previous notion that cells can be essentially “immortal” and continue dividing forever. One reason for this limit on cell division is the shortening of telomeres at the ends of chromosomes. Telomeres are kind of like the plastic tip on the end of a shoelace, they protect DNA from being damaged. However, every time cells divide, telomeres get shorter and shorter. Once the telomeres get too short, they can no longer divide. This process is thought to play a role in aging.
***
Another thing I’m coming to terms with is just growing older in general. Logically I know that my body is not always going to look like how it did when I was a skinny, fresh-faced 18 year old, but sometimes I don’t recognize the girl I see in the mirror. My skin is clearer, but my eyes seem permanently marked with dark circles, and my face is a little rounder than it used to be. I’ve recently discovered none of my jeans fit anymore, and pink stretch marks decorate my waist and thighs. All of these things are physical signs of growth, my too-small jeans scattered in the bottom of my closet like abandoned hermit crab shells.
As I watch myself grow older, I can see my family is growing older too. When I was a kid, it seemed like my mom and dad stayed constant in age. But now that I’m at college for months at a time, every time I come back I notice that more lines are beginning to appear on my parents’ faces. My younger sister is two years younger than me, and in my mind she will always be a cute, gangly preteen wearing those stupid looking sports glasses while she plays rec basketball. In reality, she just turned 20, and she and I look more similar every time I see her. Even my dog is growing older. When I used to come home from school, she would jump off the couch to come and greet me. Now, her joints are too painful to get on and off the couch, and she needs insulin shots twice a day for her diabetes. It’s hard to just sit back and watch time progress, acting on myself and everyone I love. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
***
I don’t care what the doctors say, growing pains are real. Maybe they just don’t manifest as physical pains, but rather emotional ones. Fear of the future. Fear of the unknown. Fear of making difficult choices. Fear of losing important relationships. Fear of creating new ones. Fear of growing older. Fear of change. Growth is painful, but I try to take comfort in the fact that every cell of our bodies is undergoing growth every day.
Annie Backlund is a student at The University of Alabama studying biology and English. These have been her favorite subjects ever since she was a child, and she loves incorporating science in her writing. After graduation, she hopes to stay at UA for grad school to continue her research – and maybe someday writing will be more than just a hobby for her.