Today, in the sea
Lost in a world not of our choosing,
We drift in an endless sea.
A shadowy sea with no lighthouse.
I sit and write a message to my future self,
A message in a bottle
To drift into darkness.
The parchment has ink words.
It will simply disappear.
But I’m not sure I believe even that.
The tedium drifts on and on.
The sea brings litter, too.
And it’s night now,
But perhaps lacking the emptiness from before.
We crash into plastic,
Or vice versa.
Sometimes a penny will drop into our lap.
A glint of gold on the sidewalk.
But then it will rust and turn green,
Unrecognizable.
Has anything really changed?
Always longing for picket fence dreams.
Sunset and sunrise.
The stars were brighter then.
Today, the sun still sets and rises,
Even reaching us in the depths of the sea.
Cicadas and crickets chirp even from underwater.
But—
But nothing.
limbless limbo of separated soulmates
I miss you more than missing a limb.
Missing a limb says I just noticed you were gone,
took you for granted,
simply thought “wouldn’t it be easier
to have my arm again?”
That’s true, but it’s not about easiness.
You are part of me, but not the way a limb is,
utility and biology, given to me at birth.
We were fated,
but also chosen.
We chose each other.
I didn’t notice your importance
because I lost you.
I always knew you were the best thing
to ever happen to me.
I love you far more than I love my own body,
and I always have.
You excite me, endear me,
bring color to my stormy thoughts
and make me smile even through tears
in ways my leg never could.
I could live without you,
but I don’t want to.
Sure, the same could be said
of a limb.
I could survive without an arm,
but I don’t want to.
Except—
I would only think about my
missing arm in the moments
I need it most.
When my soda is out of reach.
When I have too many packages for one arm to carry.
I appreciate my arm, my leg,
but not as much as I appreciate you.
You,
I wouldn’t only think about when I
need you most.
I do not appreciate you only in
your absence.
I do not want you solely for
an easier, happier life.
Because I want you even when you make me
sad.
angry.
When I tear my hair out
and can’t focus at work
and question all my life decisions.
I want you in my darkest moments and
my brightest moments.
I want to share the sunlight of my smile with you.
And before you ever disappeared
I would already miss you.
Teresa Xu (she/her) is a student at Vanderbilt University studying English literature, Sociology, and an interdisciplinary major called Medicine, Health & Society. In addition to reading and writing, she enjoys going on walks and hikes, learning different cultural dances, singing, and simply exploring the diversity of life. She is especially interested in capturing the beauty of nature, the complexity of mental health, and the power of storytelling in her poetry.