The Mantra
My heart murmurs its mantra to my mind,
always at the perfect time,
“You will be fine.”
I saw her for the first time today since it happened
The new purple tint of her hair winked at me
as we floated past like strangers in the hallway
My heart murmurs its mantra to my mind
The bus ride home settles in and drags on
until she flops into the seat next to mine, as if by accident
(“Was it an accident?”)
“You will be fine.”
When she begins to show others her sketch of Conan O’Brien
drawn entirely in blue ballpoint pen, I try to listen
and imagine her careful hand
gliding across paper, purposefully improvising
My heart murmurs its mantra to my mind
I listen so closely that I’m suddenly drowning
in the music flowing from the ear buds hanging around her neck
“You will be fine.”
I wonder if others can see my head bobbing
trying to stay afloat
I wonder why no one else seems to be struggling too
My heart murmurs its mantra to my mind,
but it doesn’t work this time.
Maybe when she gets too close
I’ll hook my fingers into the holes of her backpack
I’ll stay for a while before she even notices
But I shouldn’t,
I can’t
… and I’m back.
My heart murmurs its mantra to my mind,
“You will be fine.”